It’s very common to overhear recently divorced parents talk about being super busy as reason why they haven’t tried dating again. The real reason though, is that most of them are afraid. They probably had it really bad in their last marriage and maybe the divorce was even worse; gruesome and energy-sapping. So, now they’re trying to take it cool, to not put themselves out there again for fear that they could suffer rejecting or that things could get even worse than it did in their last marriage.
For most, even if they eventually meet a new person and start to date, it’ll probably be for the wrong reasons. For some, it may be to compete with their ex. They don’t want to be seen as the loser who couldn’t get back in the game. So they get themselves a younger person that they may really not feel any connection with, and flaunt that person in front of their ex so that it will allay their feelings of being left or cheated on, and to make them feel wanted again. If there’s any advice to give at this point, it will be that you should never date to get back at your ex, or to exact some form of emotional revenge from them.
After a divorce, then comes the race to change your lifestyle and look to show your ex that you’ve moved on. The newly-divorced try to prove that life is continuing for them by changing partners every week or month while refusing to commit or give of themselves to any of those partners. The partners are to make their ex jealous; any other thing to them is not acceptable.
But the thing with this is that after a while of chasing other women, of drinking themselves to stupor, of waking up in bed with a different woman every night, single dads, especially the ones that win the custody war for the children or child during that nasty divorce, start to feel the need for a permanent female presence in their lives and that of their children.
For single dads that are really ready to get back out there, there are steps to follow to meet the right person.
- When you meet this new date, do not focus on your past relationship that failed or attempt to paint your ex black; it’s a turnoff.
- Be sure your kids are okay with this and whoever the date is.
- While it is not a must, but dating a woman that has a kid already may help. That way, she understands your devotion to your children and does not attempt to sabotage it.
- When there’s a conflict between your children and your new partner, do not take sides; try to be balanced.
- Do not choose to move to the next stage with a person simply because they got on well with your child; you matter too and while your children may be a priority, you are not hiring a nanny, you are getting a partner that you have to be sure is compatible with you too.